10 down

2 months to prom

and 10 more to go.

Going to be intense, but positive it'll happen.

Determined like a bitchhhhh

Here's hoping I at least have a date as long as I look hot.

lost 7 lbs in two weeks.

feels kickass!

So here's my winning losing plan:

15 lbs by spring break

20 lbs by prom

25 lbs by grad

and then before graduation I'll donate my hair.

:)

I'm a relationship masochist.

So sue me.

I don't fall for the guys who are most conveinient or the best at anything or even the most respectful, but I enjoy crushing on those who I DO fall for. Who says I'm even falling for anyone? Hell, I'm just having my fun - like I should be. I enjoy not having the expectation of a relationship. In fact, I have such LOW expectations that if the thought of a relationship even seems remotely reasonable I flee. I become ellusive. Whatever. So I have commitment issues. Give me something I WANT to commit to. Someone who I can trust won't fuck me over. But, see, that's just the thing. Everyone, eventually, fucks you over. Maybe I've just been bruised too much in the past and I'm still not healed - but I gaurd myself just in case. At least I've mastered the art of detachment.

So don't say shit to me about what I'm doing, and with whom, because it's my life and my heart. Unless you're going to take a stand and try to do something about it then I don't give a damn about your opinions - they're worthless to me. I can easily go from one person to the next with just a mere after thought, but nothing more.

At least in reality I don't hold on to some fairy tale I dream up in my head. Yeah, I have what if's and I hold on to people, but I also move along in the real world. It festers in my heart and head until I find someone new, and then I'm over it.

Why your words have stuck with me, I have no idea - but they did. If I want to fuck up my love life, then so be it. Unless you have something productive to do about I don't want any comments. Just because I don't date, and I've never had a real boyfriend doesn't mean a thing. I go out with who I want to go out with, and do what I want with them because in that moment, my heart is there. That is ALL I need to drive me. I do not need a boyfriend to make me feel like I'm accomplished, because I already know that I've succeeded in getting mostly what I've wanted.

Currently Listening Transatlanticism By Death Cab for Cutie Transatlanticism see related

Things are...good.

I think I'm finally over him I mean I'm pretty sure the last "Can I see your boobs?" comment did it. Sure, there's a good chance I might get a little weak in the knees but so far I'm holding back. I do miss him still, but not so much in the same way. Just in the "let's go back to being friends and have you brighten my day" way.

I love newspaper, musical, and my friends.

Very unexpected new friends but I love them.

I might be becoming a bitch, or percieved as one, but I'm honestly just having fun and that's ok. I can honestly say that for the first time throughout high school I actually feel like I fully fit in-it just took 4 years.

I don't know where I stand with him, but I do not want a relationship right now and I'm pretty sure I don't like him the way he likes me. Then again, I don't know if he likes me as much as it seems because all we ever do is text (so annoying) and he never says anything about me, and ignore me half the time. Then again it's text messages everyday like "Wanted to say hi and see how your day was" that throw me off. Why do I care? I don't.

I just...want someone. Not a boyfriend, not commitment-but something to that extent...The bond, the fun. But just the fun. You know?

I think that want is why I've been leading people on so much lately.I know I pissed TP off the other night because I intentionally flirt back with him, even if I am bitchy about it. Really, it's his own fault because I already told him I don't like him and my feelings prob. have no chance of ever changing, but he just keeps on keeping on.

There might be someone I could see having something like that with but I'm pretty sure he doesn't see me that way, and he's just doing his own thing trying to work things out with someone else so I'll leave it alone. If it happens, it happens. And who knows? At the rate I'm going this year it might.

I just practically broke up with someone I never even fucking dated.

this is so fucked up.